Still here...

     I'm home still haven't got to mamas yet.  All of a sudden my self says no.  I dont really know why I feel like I can't up and go.  So all day I been sitting in my pj's just stuck.  I told my older daughter early this morning I'd be getting ready but I haven't still here and It is now 3:23 pm..  What is it I'm not sure.

     These are in my dinning room area...  I love daisys I always have since I was a little girl...   It's not like I have all the time in the world because I don't there is a time limited on the permit and  it's just silly.. 

     Why does this happen to me, I'm not sure about that either.  Sometimes I think it's because I'm just plain tired.  I been cleaning since I was ten.  Mama went off to work and never seem to get the laundry done, so because I wanted my knee socks clean for my school dresses I started doing my own laundry.  By the time I was twelve I was cooking for my dad.  And I didn't even know how to cook mama just said do it, so I did.  There were times when he threw it on the floor and said he didn't want that garbage.  And lied and told mama I didnt cook nothing...  At that time I cooked things out of a box and a can.  No wonder he didn't want it..  

               I love the sun when it shines in the afternoon dinning room windows...

I wonder why sometimes why mama left me the responsibility of doing that chore, I feel it wasn't my responsibility it was her's.  Ihaged the fact that I had to cook for him and the moments he would throw in on the floor and say I cooked nothing.  When I grew up I vowed I would never make my children clean my house or cook my food.  I don't believe in that my children where made to do this.  

     I found this milk glass pitcher at mamas in the basement last week along with the two milk glass knobs..  One was rusty in a part..  I got most of it off..I just love them...

     The only thing I had my children do was pick up after themselves and on occasion take out the trash...  I did all the major cleaning... I never wanted my children to be pressured by my duties.  They all clean and cook well when they became adults.  I had to clean cook everything as if I was the mother and the wife.  There were some things about mama that weren't the best.  And I think later in life she realized many things and tried to make up for them... By doing so many other things...

     Maybe it's all this putting me stuck...  Lingering things of mama not doing what she should have or was suppose to..  And that including completely everything before she died..  

     Even though there are many good things and some small treasures..  Part of me just wants to close my eyes and dump every piece there is.  And leaving behind total emptiness.  And I think If I had the money, I ripp down the walls and all to a empty shell and re do every inch...  

     Mama neglected everything leaving a broken old house and for me no refections or memories of anything good.  I have brief memories of when I was a small child bits and pieces of happiness..  My most best memories are from when I stayed with my uncle and aunt ann on all vacation...  They made my good memeories in my heart...  Today my post you might not relate or understand.  And maybe I don't either but this is where my thoughts have gone today.  So maybe it's something I needed to vent.

     A while back ago I purchased a book online about Beatrix Potters life...  Though when I recieved it the book was a bit musty..  But I like it just the same.  

             It has some of her famous drawings... 

          

     A nice photo of her when she was seventeen...  These are my two little figures by Royal Albert..  

     Cousin Ribby she is new. I have had Peter for a couple of years now...

           

     I think what I need is a long vacation away from my children grandchildren and mamas house and things...  Happy Friday everyone.  Have a lovely weekend, with love Janice