Sunday, November 16, 2014

Sometimes...We need more

So sometimes you reach a point of almost no return.  I reached that point needless to say yesterday.  I really felt like ending my life.  Sadly I truly felt that way.  It's funny one minute you know your struggling with many things but your thinking I will okay I believe in God and have strong faith in him.  I don't know why at a quick moment I just snapped and got angry and cried and said I'm tired and done.  Isaiah, broke a tiny magnetic photo frame I had on my refrigerator for about thirty years of my oldest daughter and that was it.  I was really angry.  So I just tossed it and walked away.  They left and the thought that came to mind was to go take a bottle full of pills.  Then I cried endlessly a called suicide prevention.  I tried this other place not realizing it's Saturday and they were closed.  Honestly I had two other times in my 56 years that I felt this way.  It's definetely not a good place to be.. I'm struggling today but not like yesterday.  
I'm sharing this today with you to open my heart and mind and pull myself Way and out of this direction... I texted one person and I guess he's to busy as usual to respond.  I think not grieving for my mom and just going and going and going like I usually do wasnt a great idea.  I should have went to the counseling offered by hospice. 
Sometimes we need to just stop. I kind of feel trapped in this saga with Mamas house. 
I'm trying to find my way out.
I think that I'm done living with people and I'm ready to live alone.
I'm tired of cleaning up after grown people and repeatedly telling them the same things not to do over and over.  And having people disrespect my things and home.  I truly wish that it was so simple to just clean out Mama house fix it and move in.  But there more than that. 
It truly sucks that my mama my best friend is dead and gone but that's reality right!
So as I write this be careful with your feelings get help.. If your over whelmed.  I will be calling on Monday the hospice for the grief counseling. I know God is here but in spirit at the moment it's not enough. I need more in the physical. . 
But when you haven't no one to count on. ..? 
Ps I thought this to be strange.  When I talked to the sucide center after ten mins they cut me off and said they had to hang up.. I was shocked and again over whelmed thank God I prayed really hard after that..
Blessings blogger friends 
With love Janice
Life is precious I know thank goodness I believe in God
He saved my life


  1. You hang in there and do call Hospice on Monday. I went there for grief counseling and they were wonderful. Life is precious and you say it to yourself over and over, even if you have to sing it like a song! Be good to yourself.

  2. its hard to say something because many times peoples opinion are not very much welkom...i will say that stuff isnt that important as family, but i do understand your point....pray and ask the lord to give you wisdom to deal with that...are so many woman with those kind of struggles you wont even imagine...thank God you have all you need is you look so do..praying for you

  3. Dear Janice, life is the most precious gift..don' t forget this! Life is very difficoult for all of us, everyone must fight every day. We show beauty, peace, romantic pictures in our blogs but we know that life is very different. Be strong and believe in life!

  4. May God wrap around you like a blanket of comfort and love, Janice.

    And I am lovin' that picture of you. It's really a good one.