Letting go isn't the easiest thing ... But it's time to let the baby chick become her own hen....And as hard as it will be for me... It's a must for my own well being..Sometimes we don't realize the things I suppose. It's been a hard and difficult for me...Vee and Isaiah leaving recently was hard...she returned only to say she was leaving again..well that just nearly took my breath away.,she hadn't been here barely over nite..My heart just broke and felt worse than the first time... I don't like it but there isn't much I can do at this point..except to let her see what the life is really like. She is gonna be nineteen in March. The future isn't so bright these days things have changed a whole lot compare to when I started out..but all in all I must let go like I told Mom...she is gonna end up giving me a heart attack..So I decided to say good bye and let her go.. when she left recently it was on bad terms. I'm not sure how I'm gonna handle it this time, but I'm not going to let it stop my life anymore..I will just have to find my own life alone...Which seems to be such a hard hard task at the moment..I think if I didn't have the panic disorder it would be half as difficult. But still living alone and being alone is no fun no matter how you look at it.. I'm so used to having children around etc. I have been praying asking for God to help get me to church. If I could just get that strength to walk over to church on my own it would be the most wonderful thing for me..some times I have to be honest I hate my life because the panic attacks have changed it so much..
I have fought for the last three and a half years..to be okay behind my panic...I have never felt so all alone in my life..and now it will be even be more so now that she wants to leave..I pray this morning that the lord and father above come with their holy spirit and comfort me and guide me through these days to come..to give me the strength that I need to accomplish the task of getting to church..
Wishing everyone a wonderful enchanting weekend..
On a positive note.
I'm gonna be okay
cause I know my Heavenly Father is by my side